I have this old grey sweater I wear. I hate it. Well, not actually. I guess I wouldn’t wear it if I really hated it, but I put it on and it says nothing about who I am, or at least who I thought I was. If possible, it makes me look even more like a mom. A sign, literally hanging around my neck that screams, nothing snazzy here, just another mom. As if the two kids hanging off of me, and my not-so-sassy wet bun atop my head wasn’t screaming that already.
I wear this sweater because I am a mom. Because it’s sitting there on the clean laundry pile and I need something quick because my six-month-old just woke up, and my two-year-old is yelling “potty, quick!” I throw it on because I don’t have time to put on something just to see how it looks. I’m wearing it because I say to myself, I’ll put something better on when we go out to my parents place later, but somehow that never happens, and I end up wearing this grey sweater all day long. It’s plain. It requires no further assistance. No necklace, or tank-top underneath. And best of all, the neck doesn’t stretch out after emergency breastfeeding sessions. The easiest part of my day is putting it on. Score, I think to myself. There’s that ready-to-wear grey sweater of mine. I hate you.
I wonder if this sweater is the beginning of a downward spiral to becoming a polka-dot pants wearing, super short hair, dishtowel over the shoulder type mom. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I’ve just never imagined myself that way. As a little girl I remember looking at women with purses thinking, I’ll never have a purse. What would I ever need a purse for? Well, to carry dirty diapers, half chewed carrot sticks, wipes for runny noses, soothers, and that hand cream I never have time to put on of course.
I tell myself that wearing this grey sweater is temporary. That when things calm down in a couple of months, I’ll have more time to go through my clothes. I’ll have lost a few more pounds of baby weight too. I’ll look even better. Maybe I’ll even have time to paint my nails! But it never comes. So I’ve made a New Year’s resolution to give up my grey sweater and spend some time resurrecting the old me. Even if it’s just for a few short moments at the end of the day. Painting my nails, working on some writing projects, or listening to some new tunes.
I’ve made quite a few resolutions and goals this year, and why not? Who doesn’t want to at least strive to become a better person? Even if it starts with giving up a sweater.
What’s on the horizon for your 2016?