“I loved giving birth” said no one ever until I met this woman

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So I’m at this Mexican wedding/tutu-themed party standing next to some Tequila-fueled cross dressers (I know, this sounds like the opening of a really bad joke), when this Maria von Trapp type woman spots me from across the room. Tipping the scales at close to baby elephant weight (I’ll wait for you to Google that), I’m not exactly hard to miss. Plus, I’m mingling with the only other prego at the party. Not that I mind at all, except for all the clever “Whoa, is there something in the water?” jokes.

Prego and I have already completed our dog-sniffing-butt, get-to-know-ya exchanges of when are you due, boy or girl, first or second, when von Trapp makes her way over. I can tell she’s the type of mom that carries glitter in her purse just in case she needs to whip together a last-minute science project for one of her brilliant kids.

Sure enough, two minutes into our conversation with Trapp she throws out the “I loved giving birth” grenade. I know. Insert record scratching/nuclear bomb explosion sound here.

“What?! No you didn’t,” I reply, my eyes nearly rolling right out of my head and into the guacamole.

“No, I really did. It was so beautiful and spiritual. It was such a WONDERFUL experience!”

I’ve never wanted to slap a stranger more in my life. There is no way this woman loved giving birth, and to give a newbie (my prego entourage) false hope is just outright evil.

Before slipping into the kitchen and abandoning the inevitable soccer mom, so-proud of little Billy stories sure to follow, I told my prego friend what giving birth was really like.

“It sucks. It’s going to hurt, but in the end it won’t matter. It’s just something you have to get through. What you’ll love comes after.”

I guess it is time to be fair here though. While I do recognize that some women do in fact enjoy the process of giving birth, I don’t believe it’s the pain they enjoy, which is how their message of “loving birth” could be misconstrued by newbies.

If you’re wondering if I ran back into von Trapp that night, I did. I squeezed passed her on my way out the door as she was slamming back cinnamon tequila shots and exclaiming how WONDERFUL they were.

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